One Way To Deepen Relationships

This is a blog on developing relationships in missional communities or small groups but the principles apply universally!  From the Gravity Leadership blog.

One of the questions we get a lot is “How do we cultivate a stronger sense of community in our groups?” It seems many leaders are noticing that it’s easy to organize groups around projects or curriculum, but more challenging to cultivate a real sense of spiritual family.

I’m going to share a practice that we’ve engaged in that’s been really helpful for this. But first, let’s talk about words.

Words create worlds

How many words do you hear in a day?

Some say 30,000 words; others put the total much higher. This varies from person to person, depending on environment, personality and many other factors. (Parents of young kids who hear questions ALL. DAY. LONG. are definitely on the higher end!)

Point is we hear words all the time. But words are more than just sounds that bring information. Words have power to do a lot more.

Rabbi Abraham Heschel says, “Words create worlds.” They have the power to create when spoken. They bring about new realities.

The universe was brought into existence through words. In Genesis, God said “Let there be light,” and there was light. God spoke and our world was brought to life.

“Words are God’s tool for creating the universe,” says Susannah Heschel. They are his creation tool for bringing life into being.

Jesus healed people with words. Many suffering from sickness were made completely well by hearing two small words: “Be healed.” Their lives were changed in an instant. All sorts of possibilities were suddenly open to them because of just two small sounds.

Using our words like God

Since we are created in God’s image we also have the powerful gift of words. And with this gift comes great responsibility. The Book of Proverbs tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue. We must be full of care when using this powerful tool. Words have the ability to completely change the trajectory of someone’s life.

How many of us remember something spoken to us as children that still seems to hinder us today? Or something spoken to us that encouraged us that we continually go back to for strength?

Words have power to harm, tear down, destroy, break apart. Words also have power to heal, help, encourage, strengthen, embolden and empower.

Since we’re created in God’s image I wonder what comes into existence when we use our words to bless someone else? What kind of world could be opened up in conversations within our communities? What new reality could be created?

Blessing with our words

So here’s one way to deepen relationships in missional communities – it’s a practice that uses the power of words. It’s called “Birthday Blessings.”

It’s pretty simple: If anyone has a birthday coming up, we take a few minutes to name some things that we see and appreciate in that person.

Here are a few examples:

• “I’ve noticed how you’re always smiling and how much I love that about you. I can’t count the number of times your smile has brightened my day. And your laugh is so contagious! I really love your laugh. You are such a joy to be around and a great friend.”
• “I appreciate how you ask lots of questions. They are always so interesting and insightful. I love how God has made you to be curious. Keep asking questions and being curious!”
• “I love how good you are with children. You seem to find so much joy playing with them, helping them and talking with them. I think you have a real gift!”
• “You have a way with other people that really puts them at ease. I think people find it easy to trust you. You’re a great listener and I always know you care deeply.”

Through this practice, we are speaking good news over one another. We speak identity and calling into each other. We are gospeling each other and this calls us into something deeper. It sometimes helps us see things we haven’t seen before. And it sometimes confirms something we have known, but perhaps have doubted.

There is a simplicity in this practice and yet it never fails to be an incredibly significant time for everyone involved. It’s a powerful practice because it is one of the ways that we build a sense of family among us.

It fosters connection by saying “I see you. I hear you. I appreciate you. You are valued here and we wouldn’t be the same without you.” It calls us up, cultivates life and even sometimes, brings much needed healing.

This practice can be a particularly significant for children. It’s one thing for a child’s parent to tell them something they like about them. But when other people in the community speak this into a child, it has a different impact.

Do try this at home 

Next time you’re with your missional community or small group or just with your own family, try doing this. Intentionally bless someone with your words. Share something you’re noticing about them or something you appreciate about them and see what happens.

(You don’t need to reserve it for people with birthdays, of course! We sometimes do a spontaneous appreciation party where we just appreciate everyone at the table like this.)

Just try it, I guarantee you will walk away different.

5 COMMON SMALL GROUP MYTHS (AND THE TRUTH TO HELP TRANSFORM YOUR GROUP)

From the Gospel Coalition website.
Small groups increasingly play a significant part in the body life of many congregations. No matter why your church has small groups, it’s clear that not everyone in your church will enter into these groups with the same expectations. In fact, it’s more likely that everyone will join a small group with wildly different expectations. Some join a small group to connect at the church. They’re new to town and know relatively few people, so they join a small group. Or perhaps your church intentionally funnels people into small groups so that they can better be cared for. Your pastors and elders use the small group infrastructure to shepherd the flock. Or perhaps your church has small groups to train your people to grow in godliness and to reach their lost neighbors and friends. Those are all legitimate reasons to have small groups. Yet the church must be clear about the vision, mission, and main purpose of their small groups.

What you believe about why you are in a small group will dictate how you behave in that group. It’s important for a church to be clear why small groups exist. Do they exist to connect, shepherd, and reach unbelievers or to support one another? Are they some combination of those different things? What you believe about your small group will dictate how you approach potential problems when they arise. For example, if you buy a house knowing it will be a fixer-upper, then you approach that faux wood paneling in the family room as an opportunity to upgrade and improve. Whereas if you buy your dream house and find out the basement floods, you’re pretty disappointed and discouraged. Similarly, be clear from the beginning about the vision and values of your church small groups.

I would suggest that a healthy small group is committed to studying and applying God’s Word within the context of Christian community in order to grow as witnesses of Jesus in our respective spheres of influence. At our church, we summarize this goal as “transformation in community for witness.” But whether your small groups are mainly to help believers grow or mainly missional, here are five small group myths that I’ve encountered over the years that need correcting.

Myth 1. A successful small group will not be relationally messy.

While most people wouldn’t explicitly say so, they expect their small group be without relational messiness. They go in thinking that these people will be their best friends (more on that later), and when they find out they’re nothing alike they wonder if they’re in the right group. When someone in the group is passive aggressive or talks way too much about politics, you’re looking for the closest exit. Yet the reality is that small groups are composed of sinners all along the same journey of faith. They're going to get messy relationally, which is precisely why we have the gospel of grace that shows us how we ought to be long suffering and humble toward one another (Phil. 2:1-11).

Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in Life Together: 

The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves.

Truth: Small groups are where the grace of God overcomes all types of relational messiness through the blood of Jesus.

​Myth 2: Small groups exist for others to meet my needs.

Don’t misunderstand. It is a wonderful blessing that our relational needs can be met by one another in small groups. It’s a good thing that if you don’t feel connected, or know anyone, you can join a small group and meet others at the church. But the overarching reality is that small groups exist for you to love God by loving his body, the church. Small groups exist for you to love others with the love of Christ. This is a radically different orientation than expecting others to meet your needs. And when we all have this aim—to love each other with the love of Christ—then we do meet each other’s needs.

Truth: Small groups exist for you to love and serve others with the love of Christ.

Myth ​​3. Trust and transparency take many years to cultivate in a small group.

Consider Acts 2 and how the believers had all things in common, making sure none was in need, breaking bread together, praising God together. How long had they known each other? They probably had been in community for a couple of weeks or maybe months, but not much longer. The reality is that more time together doesn’t always mean more trust and transparency. That just tends to be an excuse. Stepping into a small group, where the expectations are properly set, significant trust can be cultivated from day one.

What prevents you from opening up? Perhaps it’s shame over your sin, embarrassment that your marriage is struggling, or heartbreak over your wayward children. This is precisely what the gospel addresses. Christ took the wrath of God at Calvary and with it took our shame, condemnation, and fear of man. We can in fact be open and honest about where we are with God, because God is actively at work in us to conform us to his image.

Truth: Trust and transparency are fruits of recognizing we are all recipients of God’s abundant grace for the forgiveness of sins.

Myth 4. Small group members should become best friends.

Certain expectations are embedded into this myth—idealistic visions of taking vacations together, our kids growing up and marrying each other, attending each other’s birthday parties. While it would be a wonderful blessing if members of the same small group did become lifelong friends, the New Testament is nearly silent on the importance of friendship as a basis for love. Rather, our unity in Christ is the foundation and basis for our sacrificial love for one another. Ephesians 2:11-22is about how Christ demolishes the hostility between Jew and Gentile. Jews and Gentiles may not have been “BFFs” in the first century, but by the unifying work of Jesus on the cross they could be members of the same body. Is this not amazing? Similarly, the blood of Christ unifies us to be members of Christ’s body, committed to encourage, build up, and love one another.

Truth: Small groups are united by the blood of Christ and members of one body.

Myth 5. Small groups should focus only on Bible study, not sharing sins or engaging in outreach.

Small groups that truly focus on Christ and his Word will inevitably get to how the gospel changes our life in all ways (sin, parenting, marriage, singleness, work, and so on) and to how we can share our faith. If your Bible study isn’t helping you to change into Jesus’s likeness you’re doing it wrong. If your study of the Bible doesn’t make you hate your sin more, ask for help in conquering it, and make you want to share your faith, you’re doing it wrong. Unfortunately, some small groups hide behind Bible study in order to avoid talking about the deeper heart issues that the gospel aims to address. If we truly allow God’s Word to speak, it must speak into our lives so that we confront our sin, strive to serve one another, and make intentional efforts to share this good news with the lost in our spheres of influence.

Truth: Small groups focus on how the gospel of Jesus Christ transforms us as his disciples who grow in holiness and as witnesses of his truth.

These five common myths underline a greater goal: the gospel must be central in the vision and mission of your group. If your group exists to meet your personal needs, then when it begins to fall short you go looking for the next group. But if the group exists as a microcosm of the church, where people of all types gather at the foot of the cross, then challenges, sin, and brokenness are an opportunity to apply the gospel of Christ.

Keep the Gospel Central in Small Groups

Here are a few suggestions to get your small group on the right track.

1. Regularly reorient your small group to see that they are members of Christ—rather than members of a particular church, denomination, theological tribe, Sunday school class, demographic (singles, married, people who adopt) or ethnic or racial background. Put Galatians 2:20 at the forefront of your group—we have been crucified with Christ and now Christ lives in us.

2. Help your group set biblical expectations for fellowship/community. We may not all hang out all the time, and we may not become best of friends, but we encourage each other in our faith as we meet regularly to open his Word together and to help each other testify to Jesus in our spheres of influence. We can humbly and sacrificially serve one another because Christ has sacrificed in order that we might be brothers and sisters in Christ.

3. Help your group see the glorious privilege to love one another and how it witnesses to unbelievers around us. Our love for each other confirms and validates the power of the gospel (John 13:35). The gospel takes wildly different people from every walk of life and transforms them to care deeply for each other. When your small group goes out of its way to love and pray for one another, you reveal the transforming grace of Christ and draw in unbelievers to witness this miracle.

Steven Lee serves as the pastor of small groups and community outreach at College Church in Wheaton, Illinois. You can follow him on Twitter.

5 Common Small Group Myths

By Steven Lee, Pastor of Small Groups and Community Outreach at College Church in Wheaton, IL. 

What you believe about your small group will dictate how you approach potential problems when they arise. If you buy a house knowing it will be a fixer-upper, then you approach that faux wood paneling in the family room as an opportunity to upgrade and improve. Whereas if you buy your dream house and find out the basement floods, you’re pretty disappointed and discouraged.

In the same way, people are often disappointed in their small group because they come to it with the wrong expectations. Here are five common myths about small groups, and the corresponding truth that corrects our wrong thinking.

Myth #1: A successful small group will not be relationally messy

While most people wouldn’t explicitly say their small group shouldn’t be relationally messy, it’s what they ultimately believe. They go in thinking that these people will be their best friends (more on that later) and when they find out they’re nothing alike they wonder if they’re in the right group. When someone in the group is passive aggressive or talks way too much about politics—you’re looking for the closest exit.

Yet the reality is that small groups are comprised of sinners all along the same journey of faith. It’s going to get messy relationally, which is precisely why we have the gospel of grace that shows us how we ought to be long suffering and humble towards one another (Phil. 2:1-11).

Truth: Small groups are where the grace of God overcomes all types of relational messiness.

Myth #2: Small groups exist for others to meet my needs

Don’t misunderstand this. It is a wonderful blessing that our relational needs can be met by one another in small groups. It’s a good thing that if you don’t feel connected, or know anyone, you can join a small group and meet others at the church.

But the broader overarching reality is that small groups exist for you to love God by loving his body, the church. Small groups exist for you to love others with the love of Christ. This is a radically different orientation than expecting others to meet your needs. And when we all have this aim—to love each other with the love of Christ—then we do meet each other’s needs.

Truth: Small groups exist for you to love others with the love of Christ.

Myth #3: Trust and transparency take many years to cultivate in a small group

Consider Acts 2 where the believers had all things in common, making sure none was in need, breaking bread together, praising God together—how long had they known each other? They probably had been in community for a couple of weeks or months, but not much longer.

The reality is that more time together doesn’t always mean more trust and transparency. That just tends to be an excuse. I think stepping into a small group, where the expectations are properly set, trust can be cultivated very significantly from day one.

What prevents you from opening up? Perhaps it’s shame over your sin, embarrassment that your marriage is struggling, or perhaps the heartbreak over your wayward children. This is precisely what the gospel addresses. Christ took the wrath of God at Calvary and with it took our shame, condemnation and fear of man. We can in fact be open and honest about where we are with God because God is actively in work in us to conform us to his image.

Truth: Trust and transparency are fruits of recognizing we are all recipients of God’s abundant grace for the forgiveness of sins.

Myth #4: Small group members should become best friends

Certain expectations are embedded into this – idealistic visions of taking vacations together, our kids growing up and marrying each other, attending each other’s birthday parties and that we’ll be lifelong friends. While it would be a wonderful blessing if members of the same small group did become close friends, the NT is nearly silent on the importance of friendship as a basis for love.

Rather, our unity in Christ is the foundation and basis for our sacrificial love for one another. The whole of Ephesians 2:11-22 is about how Christ demolishes the hostility between Jew and Gentile by his unifying work on the cross. Is this not amazing? Similarly, it is the blood of Christ that unifies us to be members of Christ’s body, committed to encourage, build up and love one another.

Truth: Small groups are united by the blood of Christ and members of one body.

Myth #5: Small Groups should focus only on Bible study, not sharing sins or engaging in outreach

Small groups that truly focus on Christ and his word, will inevitably explore how the gospel changes our life in all ways, including how we can share our faith. Unfortunately, some small groups hide behind Bible study in order to avoid talking about the deeper heart issues that the gospel aims to address. If we truly allow God’s word to speak, it must speak into our lives so that we confront our sin, strive to serve one another, and make intentional efforts to share this good news with the lost in our spheres of influence.

Truth: Small groups focus on how the gospel of Jesus Christ transforms us as his disciples who grow in holiness and as witnesses of his truth.

Make the gospel central

These five common myths underline a greater issue: the gospel must be central in the vision and mission of your group. If your group exists to meet your personal needs, then when it begins to fall short you go looking for the next group. But if the group exists to be a microcosm of the church, where people of all types gather at the foot of the cross, then challenges, sin and brokenness are an opportunity to apply the gospel of Christ.

10 Ways to Avoid the Awkward Silence in Your Small Group

From Pastoralized.

A big challenge all small group leaders face is to keep the conversation flowing.

The easiest groups, of course, are the ones where everyone comes bubbling over with how they’ve been growing spiritually.

But the reality is that people often come with guards up, struggles getting them down, or just so wrapped up in getting through life that they’ve hardly had a chance to think a spiritual thought the last few days. This makes it risky to ask an open-ended question, semi-serious in nature, and wait for someone to take the bait.

What do you when the crickets contribute more noise than the people in your group? I’ve found these then things to be helpful when leading a discussion of any kind, especially in a small group.

1. Come to your small group prepared to share. Arrive with insights to bounce off the group, questions to ask, or ways to share how you have been impacted or convicted. (This doesn’t mean you share first, though, see #3.)

2. Provide a “break the ice” time. Begin with fifteen minutes of purely social interaction with no agenda. Just let people talk. About anything. If you can’t talk about something as easy as sports, how will you share the gunk in your heart? Also, this will help any non-Christians visiting your group to get acquainted with everyone.

You might think you’re a bad leader if there is a bunch of chitchat at the beginning of the meeting. We’re supposed to be talking about spiritual stuff here! I think the opposite. Bad leaders suck the fun out of a small group like a substitute teacher who demands that the kids get to work right after the bell rings.

3. When you hit an awkward silence moment, wait… It can be tempting for you to fill in when everyone is quiet. Don’t! Slap a smile on your face and spread some eye contact around to each person in your group. Someone will give in and break the awkward silence eventually. It will eventually become too awkward for someone. Just don’t let that someone be you.

4. Follow the ground rules for asking questions in a group discussion. 1) Ask only open-ended questions. 2) Never answer your own question. 3) Never ask a yes or no question… 4) unless you are planning to follow it up immediately with an open-ended question.

5. Deflect questions from the group back to the group. Don’t ever feel like you have to answer everyone’s questions just because you’re the small group leader. When someone asks you, the leader, a question, form the habit of responding with something like, “That’s a great question. What do you guys think?” This keeps the conversation going, and prevents it from becoming a teacher-student group.

6. Ask if people disagree. This is another way of deflecting the conversation back to the entire group. Not that you’re trying to start an argument, but the conversation certainly ramps up when people come from different perspectives. But try not to ignite theological debates with this tactic (see #10).

7. Model vulnerability. Vulnerability is contagious. People desperately want to share what they are struggling with. But they want to know it’s safe. It’s the leader’s job to prove that it’s safe. It’s the only way you will have a chance at authentic accountability.

8. Just once, call on a shy person by name to share what they are thinking. Some people are quieter by nature, and won’t share. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t participating. They’re probably processing what the others are sharing. Just one time, ask them by name what they think about what is being discussed. They are more likely to have a well-thought answer, rather than feeling like they have been put on the spot.

9. Politely ask the talkative people to let others weigh in. If you have a talker, eventually it will come to this. Simply say something like, “Joe, I’m looking forward to hearing what you think about this, but let’s hear from some other people who haven’t yet had as much of an opportunity to share tonight. Jill, what do you think?” Lines like this go a long way to let someone know they are talking too much – without shaming them – and providing a platform for others to share.

10. Encourage discussion on the interpretation of the passage. The key here is to interact over what the Bible says, instead of what they think or believe. Get them to talk about what they see in the passage Bible and take a stab at what that means for its overall interpretation. Request that people use the words of the passage, and that they say what verse that are referring to. (This helps everyone else follow, and ensures that are working off the passage, rather than their own opinion.)

This not only encourages discussion – it’s fun to figure out what a passage means together – it also ingrains good interpretation skills, since you are keeping people focused on what the text actually says. Don’t forget to discuss how your findings should affect they we live.

What about you? Are there any strategic ways you keep the conversation flowing in your small group? Drop your tips in the comments!

How to Get Real, Honest Community

What is the single most important component of any healthy relationship?

Maybe your initial answer to this question is something like love, trust, or selflessness. But let us suggest an answer that is even deeper and more foundational than any of those: truth.

Relationships simply cannot exist without honesty. As soon as I'm dishonest—untruthful—with you, I begin to unravel the sacred bonds of relationship. The starkest examples of mistrust are painfully clear to us: a cheating spouse, an embezzling CEO, a friend who betrays a confidence.

In comparison to these dire examples, we often convince ourselves that we're pretty truthful. But in reality, the fall has made us all liars. We don't want people to know us as we really are. We want to appear a certain way—to be known as a certain kind of person. So we put forth an image, a public face. Author Brennan Manning refers to this image as "the Impostor":

The impostor is the classic codependent. To gain acceptance and approval, the false self suppresses or camouflages feelings, making emotional honesty impossible. [We] present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will know us. . . . The impostor prompts us to attach importance to what has no importance, clothing with a false glitter what is least substantial and turning us away from what is real. The false self causes us to live in a world of delusion. The impostor is a liar.

Christians are skilled at playing the impostor. It's exactly what Adam and Eve did in the garden of Eden. When God created them, they were "naked and were not ashamed" (Genesis 2:25). But once they sinned, they began to hide. They became aware of their nakedness and "sewed fig leaves together" (Genesis 3:7). Rather than being fully transparent, they were ashamed and began to withhold things from each other and from God. And we've been doing the same thing ever since.

This is the reason Christian community is often shallow and stagnant. The apostle John calls it "walking in darkness." And his remedy is truth—or, as he puts it, "walking in the light:"

God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:5-9) 

If we walk in the light, as God is in the light, we have fellowship with one another. We have true community. We have real relationship. We're finished pretending, hiding, covering up. You know the real me, and I know the real you. And that's a good recipe for true friendship.

Freedom for Honesty

But how can we consistently walk in the light? What gives us the freedom to live in honesty and truth with one another?

It's the gospel. It's faith working through love. It's "the blood of Jesus cleansing us from all sin." Only when we've really come to Jesus in repentance and faith will we experience the kind of honest community we long for. Because only in Jesus is our struggle for righteousness and identity resolved.

Pause and ask yourself another question: What's the worst thing someone could possibly know about you?

Now, what if everyone in your church community knew that thing? What would you stand to lose? What you'd probably lose is (1) their approval and (2) your sense of righteousness. They would know the real truth about you (and perhaps not approve of you). And you would have to admit the truth about yourself (you couldn't pretend to be "righteous" anymore). In other words: walking in the light would directly confront your thirst for approval and your unwarranted self-righteousness. You avoid honesty because you're still striving to maintain your own identity and construct your own righteousness.

Here's another way to say the same thing: Dishonesty is rooted in unbelief. It's a gospel issue. When I'm not resting in the identity and righteousness I have in Christ, I'll be tempted to "save face" or keep up appearances. I'll want to make sure people have a certain impression of me.

But the gospel frees us from this temptation! The good news of the gospel is that your identity is in Christ, not in what people think of you. And your righteousness comes from Christ, not your good behavior (or good reputation). You don't have to keep up appearances. You don't have to manage your image. You don't have to save face. Jesus gives you a new identity and a righteousness you did not possess or earn on your own. They are yours by grace. You can rest in the identity and righteousness that Jesus provides. And so you can freely walk in the light with the people around you. You no longer need to sew together fig leaves; God himself has clothed you in the righteousness of his Son. "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness" (Isaiah 61:10).

A community where the truth of the gospel is deeply believed, reflected on, and talked about will be a community of healthy, transformative honesty. It will be a community where people increasingly find their identity in Christ and not in the approval of others; a community where self-righteousness gives way to faith-righteousness; a community where people are loved as they really are, but loved too much to let them stay that way. It will be a community of radical grace, generous hospitality, and joyful humility. It will be a community of light, truth, goodness and beauty, where the glory of God is on display to the world.

Isn't that the kind of community you want? It all starts with you and me walking in the light.

**********************

This article is reproduced from The Gospel-Centered Community. Copyright © 2013 by Robert H. Thune and Will Walker. Used by permission of New Growth Press and may not be downloaded, reproduced, and/or distributed without prior written permission of New Growth Press.

5 Commitments That Propel and Sustain a Thriving Small Group Ministry

• BY MARK HOWELL
• IN SMALL GROUPS
• — 1 OCT, 2013

Ever wonder why some small group ministries seem to steadily move to new levels of success and health while others start with a bang and go out with a whimper?

Here are 5 commitments that make the difference:

1. Connecting everyone to a small group is a top objective every year.  By “everyone” I mean everyone.  And not just 50% or 80% of the weekend adult attendance.  I’m talking about 150% of the weekend adult attendance number!  In addition, the commitment is to a small group (i.e., not a class or a Bible study that meets in rows).  And it’s not about off-campus versus on-campus.  It’s all about connecting to a group that includes the essential ingredients of life-change.  See also, Essential Ingredients of Life-Change and Design Your Group for Life-Change.
2. Small group membership is an essential step in the strategy.  This is sometimes a little tricky but always very important.  If your church features a kind of buffet or a menu with multiple options to choose from for adults (i.e., Sunday morning classes, Wednesday night classes, discipleship groups, off-campus small groups, etc.), there is a strong possibility that you’re not clearly identifying active membership in a small group as essential.  See also, A “Plated Meal” Leads to a Church OF Groups and 5 Ways Your Small Group Ministry Is Being Throttled.
3. Small group ministry is designed to make disciples.  If your church offers a discipleship ministry for high achiever adults with greater commitment and more extensive expectations than mere group membership…you are likely missing the great potential of grouplife to make disciples.  See also, 4 Leading Indicators of Small Group Ministries That Make Disciples.
4. Significant investment in leadership development is a priority.  Are you budgeting significant money, staff energy, and calendar for leadership development?  If you’re skimping on this commitment, it’s unrealistic to think that you’re on the path that leads to a dynamic, thriving small group ministry.  See also, Steve Gladen on Saddleback’s Leadership Pathway and Budgeting for the Preferred Future.
5. The senior pastor is the primary champion/spokesperson for the small group ministry year in and year out.  Are you there?  Does this describe your senior pastor’s involvement?  This has nothing to do with administrative involvement or behind the scenes planning or management.  It has everything to do with living and breathing small group as essential to life-change.  It has to do with the most influential person in your congregation serving as the main spokesperson.  See also, Your Senior Pastor as Small Group Champion Leads to a Church OF Groups.

photo credit: Neil Kremer

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— Mark Howell

Mark Howell is the founder of SmallGroupResources.net, committed to helping churches launch, build, and sustain healthy small group ministries. He's also the Pastor of Discipleship Communities at Canyon Ridge Christian Church.  Having served as small group pastor at Woodlands Church and Lake Avenue Church, Mark is a seasoned veteran with experience in both the contemporary and the traditional church. In addition, he served as a consultant with Lifetogether and as a host for the Purpose Driven Campaign Coaching programs. You can read Mark's blog at www.markhowelllive.com or follow him on twitter.

What Makes a Missional Community Different?

Here is a well thought out article on helping small groups to be missional!

As a practitioner of missional communities, I am often asked, "What is the difference between a missional community and _____ (small group, Bible study, etc.)?"

Before I dive into distinctions, let me provide the definition I use for a missional community:

A community of Christians, on mission with God, in obedience to the Holy Spirit, who demonstrate the gospel tangibly and declare the gospel creatively to a pocket of people. 

Perhaps the most critical portion of the definition practically is the idea of "a pocket of people"—a missional community is intentionally focused on those who aren't believers. Missional community is intentionally focused on those outside the church.

Before I make some folks upset, it's also important for me to note that gospel-centered communities on mission come with many different names. While I think language is important, I've found there are many small groups, community groups, and Bible studies that look a lot like what I call missional communities. The distinctions I point out in this article are meant to challenge predominant methods of practicing community in many American evangelical churches.

Missional Communities vs. Community Groups

One of the greatest needs in many churches is "community." Pastors talk about the value of it, tell people they need it, and provide lots of ways for people to engage it. As I have connected people, I find they're mostly seeking friendships that will spur them towards Christ. That desire is good and godly . . . I want the same thing!

The danger in the church aiming for community, though, is that it typically becomes the destination. Once relationships have been established, and the need for friends has been met, that's the way a community group stays. Community groups love to spend time together and have rich friendships, and the concept of "doing life" together is easy and appealing.

But these kinds groups often struggle because they lack the imperative of mission. They meet and live in community but do not engage in missionary activity. Once more appealing friendships or changes in life circumstances occur, a community group often dies out.

Community on this side of heaven isn't primarily about us though. Community is about God's glory being displayed to the world. Jesus clearly explains that the purpose of Christian unity and community is so that the world would know God the Father sent Jesus to this earth in John 17:21-24.

Missional communities are different in that they primarily see the purpose of their friendship, love, and unity to be an apologetic for the gospel to their neighbors. Community isn't the only purpose of the group, but community has the purpose of mission.

In my experience, a community group needs to be hard pressed with the truth of the gospel and the imperative of disciple making. Their need is not so much practical as it is sin rooted deep in their heart. This sin masquerades as many different things, but collectively a community group must see the greatness of the gospel and the joy found in following Jesus to seek out those far from God.

Practically, I have found that training a group like this together is crucial. They often will not make a transition collectively if you only train them as individuals. This is the primary reason we train whole communities together at The Austin Stone.

Missional Communities vs. Bible Studies

Many of us have been a part of a Bible study at some point in our Christian lives. Typically, these groups read the Bible for a set period of time on a specific day of the week. Bible studies are often great things, but they don't constitute a Christian community in its entirety.

So what's the difference? The short answer is that a missional community is not a Bible study, but a missional community studies the Bible.

A Bible study is often defined by gathering for the event of learning. The individuals who compose a missional community are individually engaging God's Word on a daily basis—our church uses a tool we call Life Transformation Groups—and seeking to obey.

The distinction is primarily in expectations: a missional community expects that an individual is participating in the community to contribute something (1 Corinthians 14:26), whereas someone comes to a Bible study to consume something.

Certainly people need to study the Bible, but to study the Bible without engaging in authentic community on mission is a fool's errand. The purpose of studying the Bible is indeed to learn about God and conform us to the image of Christ, but it's also to equip us for the work of ministry in the church (community) and outside the church (mission).

If we desire compelling communities that foster obedience to the Bible, our community should be natural, neutral, and regular, in the pattern and rhythm of everyday life, not a one-hour, drive-through Bible study.

Practically speaking, most Bible studies need to think critically about how the information that they are studying affects their daily life AND specifically how they can share the good news of Christ's life, death, and resurrection with their friends and neighbors. Transitioning this kind of community requires gathering in different ways for different purposes.

Missional Communities vs. Small Groups

Small groups have been used in many great ways in the church over the last few decades. There are many different variations on small groups, but they are primarily groups of around 12 people who gather weekly together to connect, worship, study the Bible, and pray for one another. Often times they try to serve together in ministry within the church and in their city.

These groups often understand the centrality of the Bible, the need for community, and the purpose of the group beyond itself. I've had great experiences in this kind of group. But I've often found there is a significant struggle to invite others to join in, and it's often difficult to mobilize an entire group to do something outside the regular meeting.

In trying to balance a number of different objectives, small groups often struggle to produce mature disciples of Jesus and multiply into new communities. Why?

I think it is because success is still defined as attendance at an event, rather than events helping relationships become natural in the rhythms of everyday life. Small groups often try to do community and mission outside the normal routines of life by adding an event into the week, rather than redeeming everyday life with gospel intentionality and involving community into normal life.

A missional community understands the value of different kinds of gatherings. A missional community sees itself as a network of relationships with a common mission, rather than being defined by attending an event. Missional communities gather, but the gatherings have different purposes.

I have also found that often times a group will try different kind of gatherings outside of their regular meeting times (for example, Third Place, The Family Meal and LTG's) a couple times, then abandon them because they "didn't work." I work hard to teach them that these practices are not a magic bullet, but healthy rhythms that will produce more faithful communities over time.

Small groups begin to shift as people start to put into practice rhythms that enable them to hang out with their friends far from God in natural ways. When a small group has actual names of people to pray for and ask God to save, and those people start to show up in places with the community, they are headed in the right direction.

Conclusion

No community is perfect, but by the grace of God all communities can be more conformed to the image of Christ and be more faithfully used for God's purposes.  Regardless of what category your community falls into, I hope you are challenged to think about how you can more intentionally be disciples together and make disciples of those who are far from God.

May God give us the grace to pursue the fullness of all he intended for our life together, and would we receive the joy of following Jesus and participating in the mission He has called us to!

Todd Engstrom serves as the executive pastor of campuses and communities at The Austin Stone Community Church. He is passionate about the gospel being played out in the context of missional communities and developing leaders who will proclaim and demonstrate the good news of Jesus. He also develops future pastors and church planters through The Austin Stone Institute.