Sage advice from Trevin Wax . . .
Jim and Sandra were longtime
members at Christ Church. They gave generously — of their time, their talents,
and their financial resources. Christ Church was known for being evangelistic
and putting a priority on God’s Word. And Jim and Sandra were fulfilled and
thriving there.
But the day came when the pastor
let Jim and Sandra down. A series of bad decisions critically wounded their
confidence in their leader’s wisdom. They were hurt, confused, and
disillusioned. They began to toy with the idea of going to one of the other
strong churches in town.
When Jim and Sandra (not their
real names) asked me about leaving their church, I said, “Not so fast.” Since
then, I’ve counseled a number of couples and individuals in similar situations.
And whenever the issue at hand does not concern biblical fidelity or
theological compromise, I usually give the same caution about leaving a church:
“Not so fast.”
In a culture of consumerist
expectations and values, even people in strong, Word-centered,
gospel-proclaiming churches can think of church loyalty in terms of payment and
receipt. “We pay our dues and expect a certain return” is the unspoken mindset.
So, when things get difficult, reasons to leave begin multiplying: “I’m not
being fed here.” “I’m not on the same page with the leadership right now.” “I’m
not being useful here. Perhaps I could serve better if I were somewhere else.”
The list goes on.
It’s true that there are plenty
of Christians whose lives don’t resemble Christ’s. There are pastors who abuse
their authority or lead poorly. There are churches that implement changes
quickly, without the consent of key leaders, which then breeds disunity and
quarrels. Leadership fumbles, personality conflicts, relationship breeches —
they all exist in the church. That’s why, for many churchgoers, the temptation
is strong to seek refuge and peace in another church across town.
But what if the choice to leave a
difficult church situation will actually short-circuit your formation as a
Christian? What if your desire for a better congregation will stunt your
spiritual growth? Does God use uncomfortable church situations as part of His
process of sanctifying us?
Whether your church situation is
terrific or terrible right now, it’s the gospel that should direct and shape
your decision to leave or stay in a church. Circumstances aren’t what matter
most. Covenantal commitment to the body of Christ is what counts. And our
commitments must be grounded in God’s unflagging commitment to us because of
Jesus Christ’s work in our behalf.
“But you don’t understand. The people in my church are really messed up.” True. But so are you. So
am I. We are all sinners, saved only by the grace of a merciful God. We are all
being slowly transformed into the image of Christ, and one way that God forms
us into the image of His Son is to place us in hard situations where “loving
one another” seems unnatural and costly.
If Christ remains committed to
us, in spite of our continual failings, why should we not remain committed to
Christ’s bride? In a difficult church situation, what looks more like Jesus: to
hop to an easier church situation or to stick with a local congregation through
the dark days?
Many people think their church’s
problems are an obstacle standing in the way of their spiritual development.
Usually, the opposite is true. It’s their commitment to their church, in spite
of its problems, that is making them more like Jesus.
“I’m not being fed here.” Perhaps God is challenging you about
your tastes and preferences.
“I’m not on the same page with the leadership right now.” Perhaps
God is teaching you the virtue of willing submission, even when it doesn’t
come naturally.
“I’m not being useful here.” Perhaps God is removing certain
activities from your life, so that your focus turns from what you are doing for God to a greater emphasis on the
relationship you should be cultivating with God.
The grace of God is
transformative. We are predestined to be conformed to the image of God’s Son.
The heartbeat of every Christian should be to look more like Jesus. Just as the
facial expressions and physical characteristics of two spouses begin to reflect
one another after many years of marriage, we should look more like Jesus every
day. But this transformation will not occur unless we stay committed to
Christ’s people, challenging and encouraging others as they challenge and
encourage us.
Discipleship is like a rock in a
rock tumbler. The rock is shined the more it bumps up against all the other
rocks and water. Over time, the process turns a rock into a gem. It’s easy to
want out of a “rocky” church situation. The process of refinement is never
pleasant, after all. But it is in our bumping up against the difficult trials
in a church body that we are refined into beautiful gems that reflect the glory
of our King.
Jim and Sandra thought long and
hard about switching churches. And they stayed. Five years later, they are
thankful they did. Their ministries are thriving. The difficulties have passed.
And in the twinkling of their eyes, I can see flashes of Christlikeness that
weren’t there before the storm. I’m glad they stayed.
