How Should Parents Discipline Their Children?

Parenting or lack of it is one of the great challenges of the church.  Here is helpful insight from a thoughtful guy, Andy Naselli.

The latest issue of Southern Seminary’s The Journal of Discipleship and Family Ministry just released.

My contribution, “Training Children for Their Good,” addresses parental discipline. This is a lightly edited manuscript from a sermon I preached on June 3, 2012.

Here’s the outline:

1. Seven Propositions about Discipline from Hebrews 12:4–11

1. God disciplines his children (Heb 12:5–7, 10).
2. God disciplines all his children (Heb 12:6, 8).
3. God disciplines only his children (Heb 12:6–8).
4. Discipline is training: God disciplines his children for their good (Heb 12:10–11).
5. Discipline seems unpleasant and painful (Heb 12:11).
6. God’s children should endure God’s discipline (Heb 12:5, 7, 9).
7. God’s disciplining his children compares to human parents’ disciplining their children (Heb 12:5, 7–10).

2. Levels of Discipline in the Book of Proverbs

• Level 1. Teach
• Level 2. Warn
• Leve 3. Enforce
  • Does “the rod” represent discipline but exclude physical discipline (Prov 13:24; 22:15; 23:13–14; 29:15)?
  • Is spanking a form of physical and psychological child abuse?
  • Do the proverbs about using the rod refer to young men rather than children?
  • Is spanking an obsolete part of the Mosaic law-covenant in the Old Testament?
  • Is spanking antithetical to the gospel?

3. Concluding Application

1. Pray for your children.
2. Evangelize your children.
3. Use multiple levels of discipline.
4. Love your children, and tell them and show them that you love them.
5. Beware of two extremes: (a) not disciplining and (b) over-disciplining.
6. Fathers, take the lead in discipline.
7. Learn how to discipline each of your children most effectively.
8. Distinguish between family rules and the Bible.
9. Be humble about parental discipline; don’t be proud and judgmental.
10. Persevere with a long-term view that trusts God’s word.

4. Recommended Resources

• Baugham, Brad. “Gospel-centered Parenting: Our Greatest Challenge—Discipline.” Sermon preached to Emmanuel Bible Church in Mauldin, SC. March 1, 2009.
• Farley, William P. Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting. Phillipsburg, NJ: Presbyterian & Reformed, 2009. See chs. 8–9 (pp. 145–74).
• Fitzpatrick, Elyse, and Jessica Thompson. Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus. Wheaton: Crossway, 2011. See chs. 5–6 (pp. 81–110). [Cf. the review my wife and I wrote.]
• Grudem, Wayne. Politics—According to the Bible: A Comprehensive Resource for Understanding Modern Political Issues in Light of Scripture. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2010. See “Discipline of Children and Spanking” (pp. 256–60). [Cf. the review my Dad and I wrote.]
• Köstenberger, Andreas J. God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation. 2nd ed. Wheaton: Crossway, 2010. See “Physical Discipline” (pp. 142–46, 341–43).
• Schreiner, Thomas R. Review of William J. Webb, Corporal Punishment in the Bible. The Gospel Coalition Book Reviews, September 12, 2011.
• Wegner, Paul D. “Discipline in the Book of Proverbs: ‘To Spank or Not to Spank?’” Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society 48 (2005): 715–32.

Related:

1. Endnote 8 in the article: I preached on Hebrews 12:3–17 on March 3, 2013 to Sovereign Grace Church in Greenville, South Carolina, and I only briefly mentioned parental discipline because that is not the passage’s primary point.
2. Ask Pastor John: “How Do I Know If I’m Being Disciplined by God?“